Yes, I know I promised ‘Days of Thankfulness’… but…

Ugh. Late at night is the wrong time for a mid-twenties Christian single woman to read an article about abstinence before marriage (before we get into this, let me make it clear that the lovely singer in the video is not me, although she does appear to be a Christian in her mid-twenties).  What was I thinking by reading an article like that, anyway? In what way does ‘waiting until marriage’ even pertain to my present situation? A still, small voice had told me ‘no’ even as my finger was above the mouse button, but I clicked it anyway. I should’ve listened. It was my fault that I let it make me feel miserable about my situation. But sometimes I want to shake my first at God and ask him why he won’t just hurry up and sort out the issues he needs to sort out in me before he sends me out to live the life he made me for. If that means singleness,  fine, I suppose I can learn to love that and exploit the freedoms of having so few commitments the best I can, but at the moment I feel like a ship stuck at port. Nonetheless, God’s Word is consolation that even if spreading my wings means remaining single and celibate until I die or he comes again, at least I can try and stand in these shoes:

‘”Sing, barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labour; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband,” says the LORD.’
(Isaiah 54:1 NIV)

And so I keep on singing… and singing… and singing…

Thank you God for the warning that I neglected, foolishly, to heed. And for giving me a voice, and letting me express my joy by singing. And for the fact that your Word upholds the barren one, and the one who was never in labour, and even seems to champion the celibate estate above marriage, for those who have been called to it (1 Corinthians 7). Thank you, at last, for my singleness and my celibacy for as long as marriage is not the best thing for me; for that aspect of life that doesn’t have to take up headspace and lifespace as I try to grow in you, even though I seem to be struggling to do that at the moment.

My life flows on in endless song;
Above earth’s lamentation
I hear the sweet though far off hymn
That hails a new creation:
Through all the tumult and the strife
I hear the music ringing;
It finds an echo in my soul—
How can I keep from singing?

What though my joys and comforts die?
The Lord my Savior liveth;
What though the darkness gather round!
Songs in the night He giveth:
No storm can shake my inmost calm
While to that refuge clinging;
Since Christ is Lord of Heav’n and earth,
How can I keep from singing?

I lift mine eyes; the cloud grows thin;
I see the blue above it;
And day by day this pathway smoothes
Since first I learned to love it:
The peace of Christ makes fresh my heart,
A fountain ever springing:
All things are mine since I am His—
How can I keep from singing?

~ Robert Lowry (1826-1899)

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